


intermountain

by fabulouskinda



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Anxiety, BPD, Depression, FTM, Hallucinations, Mental Hospital, Multi, Original Characters - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pipabeth - Freeform, Please Be careful, Religious jokes, Self Harm, Suicide, Trans Male Character, bipolar, but like, frazel - Freeform, ftm!Leo, full of triggers, ghostfire, i make fun of a lot of religions, i use the f word, jasper - Freeform, lico - Freeform, mentions of rape/noncon, mostly mormons, neo - Freeform, the characters are actually people i met in the hospital i was at, trans!leo, valdangelo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 13:23:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21162356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulouskinda/pseuds/fabulouskinda
Summary: leo wasn't planning on ending up in the hospital, that's for damn sure





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is sort of a therapy assignment (?)
> 
> im supposed to write down everything that happened to me that led to me being in the hospital and what happened while i was there and all that jazz
> 
> but that's too real
> 
> so now its a fic based on my life
> 
> this is so full of triggers i can only write a few paragraphs per day so i don't go spiraling
> 
> this chapter is about leo's attempt and what led to it
> 
> please be careful
> 
> id rather lose readers than lose lives

"I'm heading out for the night, Sarah," Leo called over his shoulder as he walked back to the time clock. "That alright?" He didn't _really_ need to ask—he had only showed up to help out and get some extra hours in, so he wasn't on the schedule in the first place—but he thought he would anyway.

"Sure thing, Leo, thanks for helping out today!" Sarah shouted from the front. She was busy taking orders and cashing people out at the drive-thru window. She had been planning on getting the B side of the kitchen cleaned early, but the new wave of customers had her back at the window.

Leo wished that more people would be scheduled to close on weeknights, as Sarah needed more hands to get things done by close, but the store owner couldn't get anyone willing to do it. They were always shorthanded, and Leo often found himself walking into get a burger, then not leaving until late that night because he clocked on to help out.

He would have stayed later—closing was his favourite part of the job—but he had an AP Chem final the next morning and he couldn't afford to skimp out on those few extra hours of sleep.

"Yeah, don't mention it," he told his manager with a grin. "Good luck tonight."

"Good luck tomorrow, shorty," she shot back, a teasing glint in he eyes.

\---

Leo waited outside for a couple minutes, the bright yellow McDonald's sign illuminating his face as he waited for his aunt to come pick him up. 

Even though Leo was sixteen, he still didn't have his license. He had passed his written portion of the driving test with flying colours, only missing on question, that morning while he should have been in second period. Mad with power, he decided to take the driving portion, too, regardless of the fact that his aunt had a gigantic SUV that he had no idea how to drive, and that it had been snowing nonstop for the last week. 

He had fucked up the driving portion straight from the get go, having immediately run over a curb as soon as the test started. The proctor had been kind enough, telling him that he could go on with the test anyway and he would just ignore what Leo had done. Regardless of the forgiven unforgivable error, Leo failed the test by one point. This humiliating experience was made even more so because of the fact that his little cousin-brother, who was only fifteen, had gotten his license the week before.

Leo was snapped out of his thoughts when his aunt's SUV came peeling around the corner, headlights temporarily blinding him. Shifting his Dr. Pepper into his other hand, he stepped forward, flung the door open, and threw himself into the passenger seat.

"Hey, Leah, how was work?" his aunt asked. 

Leo winced. Even though he hadn't come out as transgender to her, being misgendered and deadnamed still hurt. He knew, however, that he couldn't come out to her. She was very strictly Mormon, and her new husband was even worse, and they would never stand for it.

"It was good, Mari. Really busy, but I still had fun."

"That's great!" Mari pulled out of the parking lot. She glanced at Leo out of the corner of her eye and he immediately knew he was in for it; he wondered what he did wrong this time, dread filling his stomach with the anticipation of the fight that would surely ensue. "We need to talk, Lea."

Taking half a second to school his features, he said, "Yeah? What's up? He couldn't hardly believe how calm and casual he managed to keep his voice.

"Yeah." Mari took a deep breath. "Alex and I were looking for my phone charger in your room. Alex found weed."

That little shit. "Um, no he didn't," Leo said, "because I don't have any." A blatant lie, he knew, but he was _really_ in for it. His cousin-brother was such a fucking piece of shit. There was _no way_ that he could have _accidentally_ stumbled upon Leo's stash—he'd been caught twice before and he was smarter than to be caught for a third time. It was hidden hella good this time. Leo put his stash in a baggy inside his Hydro Flask, so there was _no fucking way_ they found it.

"I wish you'd stop lying to me, Leah. We've talked about this. You said you got rid of it." 

"I did get rid of it, Mari." Yeah, like hell. Mari had told him a few months ago to throw his weed away. _Like fucking hell_. He had easily a hundred buck's worth, and there was no way he'd just toss that perfectly good weed into the dumpster. Foolishly, Mari told Leo to throw it away himself—she said it'd be _therapeutic_ or some shit like that. Hell to the naw, man. "Why can't you just believe me?" 

Leo knew he should feel guilty for lying straight to her face like that, and he was sure there was a twinge somewhere deep inside him, but he really just didn't care anymore. He didn't care what anyone thought. He didn't care about the law. He didn't care about _himself_.

"Look, Leah," Mari said, her No Bullshit Face out in full force. "I've been patient. This needs to stop. Pot, vaping, smoking, drinking, stealing—what you're doing is illegal. I get that you don't like Ryan, but that doesn't make up for it."

Understatement of the century. Ryan was the textbook example of creepy, perverted uncle. And Leo had to _live_ with him. Life with Mari had been pretty good before he came along, all things considered, but he was too much. Ryan wasn't the reason that Leo turned to drugs and alcohol, though. He didn't _help_ the situation, by any means, but he couldn't be given all the credit. 

"This isn't about _Ryan_, Mari," Leo said with an impressive eye roll. It was only when he caught sight of her furious gaze that he realized his mistake.

"So you admit it?" Mari asked, clenching the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. They turned down their street and into their driveway. "You've been going behind my back and _breaking the law_?"

"Fine, yeah, I smoked weed." Leo would much rather just go get stoned and go to sleep than have this argument so he figured he may as well get it over with. "Happy?"

She ignored his question. "You have three options, Leah." She held up her fingers to count them off. "You can commit to being one hundred percent Mormon." Nope. "You can go back into the foster system." Damn. "I can call the police and you can go to juvie." 

"Those options _suck_, Mari, not gonna lie."

"Do you think this is a freaking joke?" Mari looked furious. "Those are your options. What do you want to do?"

"You're asking me to choose between the system and juvie?" Leo asked, knowing full well that he'd run away before either of those happened.

"_No_, I also said you could stay here if you commit to your religion." Mari said it as if it was the easiest thing in the world. But it wasn't.

"It's not my religion, Mari!" Leo was fucking exhausted and all he could think about was sleep, but when he was called Mormon, he couldn't help but snap to attention to defend himself. "I _can't _be Mormon! I _can't_!"

"Grow up, Leah, of course you can," she said, rolling her eyes with an exasperated sigh.

"_No_, I _can't_. Why don't you get that?"

"Okay, please enlighten me on why you are now rejecting your God."

"You want to know why? Do you _really_ want to know? Because I don't think you do."

—_no no no no no leo what are you doing stop_

"Yeah I really want to know, Leah."

—_stOP IT LEO NO_

"I'm a boy. I'm trans. What the fuck does your God say to that?"

—_fuck fuck fuck leo whyd you say that no fuck_

Mari laughed. She fucking _laughed_. "Watch your mouth, young lady. You are a girl. You have a vagina.

Leo's blood boiled and his eye twitched, but he really just didn't care anymore. He didn't care what anyone thought. He didn't care about the law. He didn't care about _himself_.

"I'm a boy. Why is that so bad?"

"God made you as a girl and God doesn't make mistakes. You're just confused. As long as you commit to your religion and push this silly belief aside, you'll be able to be with Him after you die."

"What, so the only way to be with God is to hate myself for my entire life? That's the only way?"

"You are a girl in God's eyes, and you would be damning yourself if you tried to change that."

"Okay, so since I don't believe in a god we're good? Can you just support me? As my only living relative, can you support me in this and let me be happy?" 

"I could never support this. If this is what makes you happy, you may as well go now." 

He didn't know what to feel, but he really just didn't care anymore. He didn't care what anyone thought. He didn't care about the law. He didn't care about _himself_. But he _did _care what Mari thought. He would never admit it aloud, but he _did_. She was his only family. And she honestly believed that he was damned to go to Hell. She would never support him. 

—_youre so disgusting leah why would you ever think you deserved to be happy whats the point in even trying anymore fuck fuck fuck dont think like that no leah youre a fucking waste of space no stop please no just kill yourself_

"So what'll it be? The system or the police?"

"The system, I guess." Leo sounded hollow.

—_you piece of shit leah youre such a fucking coward stop please stop just fucking kill yourself_

"Okay, then." Mari pursed her lips. "Let's go get you packed up, then I can make some calls and—"

"Can I just go to bed please?" 

—_leah you dont deserve to live go inside wait til shes asleep take the pills its that easy_

Leo didn't even fight his thoughts.

Mari's eyes softened the tiniest bit. "Sure, Leah. We can talk about this in the morning."

Leo didn't know much, but he did now that they would _not_ be talking about it in the morning.

\--- 

Leo's room had been completely destroyed. Mari had gone through his entire room and made a mess everywhere she went. Upon closer inspection, he found that, sure enough,she had found—and removed—his small collection of vapes, packs of cigs, bottle of Jack, and box of assorted stolen goods. She had _not_, however, found his weed, stowed safely in his water bottle, which sat untouched on the floor. Go figure.

He didn't want to do it, but what the fuck was he going to do? He could make a run for it. But if they found him they'd send him back here or straight into the system. And he was tired of running. He was tired of trying. He was tired of caring what anyone thought. He was tired of caring about the law. He was tired of caring about _himself_.

Even if he tried to sort things out here, it wouldn't change the fact that his aunt would never support him. Would never see him as he truly was. Would never stand by him. She didn't care. _Nobody_ cared. And why would they? Leo was just some pathetic, disgusting _fag_. Why would anyone _ever_ give a shit about what happened to him? 

All he did was make people upset. Mari was mad that Leo couldn't suck it up and be: Leah, the Perfect Mormon Girl. And why couldn't he? Why was it so hard for Leo to just suck it up and _be what they wanted him to be? _Because he was a _pathetic, disgusting fag._

He only had one true option. Suddenly, a wave of peace washed over Leo. He knew what he was going to do. 

\--- **_super triggering part ahead please be careful_** \---

Leo found himself on a towel on the floor in the corner of his room. He knew that his aunt would bring him back from the dead just to kill him again if he puked all over his white carpet. It was already covered in burns and grease and dirt, but he figured he should respect it in his last moments.

A box of assorted pill bottles sat in front of him, freshly stolen from the downstairs medicine cabinet. He wasn't really sure what in there was deadly, so he grabbed all of it and decided to hope for the best. Leo figured his best course of action would be to look through all of them and take the ones that had the lowest daily recommendations and whichever ones had warnings.

Leo thought about smoking the rest of his pot, but decided against it. He didn't want to be too out of it to know if he had done enough damage. The worst thing he could imagine was waking up in a hospital because he couldn't even kill himself right.

He could hear his favourite song playing on the Alexa on his desk. He had his favourite flavour of Propel in his left hand, a bottle of aspirin in his right. He downed half the bottle, gagging as if his body could immediately tell that danger of Leo's actions.

Sitting there, his favourite song on a loop, he grabbed his trusty razor and began to work on his left arm. Leo wasn't trying to bleed out—that would soak though the towel and ruin the carpet—but he loved the feeling of the cool metal sliding across his dark skin. It was like getting a deep itch that had been pestering him for days.

—_stupid piece of shit_

—_disgusting fag  
_

—_nobody cares   
_

—_youre such a waste of space  
_

—_maybe they can finally be happy if youre gone  
_

He could feel his head getting foggy. He hoped he'd pass out before the pain started. He hoped it would be over soon.

"Leah?"

His aunt stood in the doorway, eyes wide.

"Ugh, come back to bed," Ryan said from behind her. "She's just doing this for attention. She's fine."

—_leah you stupid piece of shit of course he thinks this is for attention youre such a stupid fag why would he care_

Mari sighed in exasperation, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Leah come get in the car. Right now. We're going to the hospital."

Not knowing what else to do, Leo staggered to his feet and followed her silently out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now go listen to some happy music and watch some vines. get in a better headspace. that was so hard to write.. it took me days to get it all out bc i kept having to stop..
> 
> i was going to put the name of the song, but i decided against it. i figure if i was wrote a song that someone listened to to put themselves into that negative of a headspace i would never forgive myself.. i honestly love the song but i cant listen to it anymore without getting flashbacks so that sucks..
> 
> i didn't edit this and i don't have a beta so let me know if you find mistakes..
> 
> please let me know what triggers i need to add to the tags..
> 
> seriously if this was too much for you be careful.. this is the only attempt i'll write firsthand but other characters will talk about theirs during therapy or just with each other.. i really want yall yo stay safe so seriously be careful


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapters pretty fragmented bc leo is really out of it and is hallucinating so it might be a lot confusing so just let me know if anything didn't make sense and ill try to bridge some gaps
> 
> please be careful guys
> 
> leos in the hospital bc of his attempt and is extremely out of it.

With the nearly empty bottle of aspirin in the front pocket of his hoodie, brought at Mari's insistence, Leo and Mari walked into the Urgent Care. Mari ignored the sign in kiosk and marched directly to the receptionist's desk.

"My _daughter_ just took a bunch of pills and you're going to need to fix that," Mari said, throwing in an irritated sigh for good measure.

Leo's head was spinning and he could just barely make out the jab at his gender, but he was too out of it to defend himself. 

—_the fuckm i doin in a wheelchair when the fuck did that happen_

\---

Leo was lying on a stretcher in a tiny room, surrounded by Mari and a couple guys in scrubs.

"Leah, we _need _you to put this gown on." The voice could have been anyone's or no one's for all Leo knew.

There was a thin hospital gown in front of him, held up by arms that connected to an older Ethiopian-looking man.

Leo went to put his arms through the holes in the gown.

"_No,_ Leah, you need to take off your shirt."

Whatever. His shirt was suddenly gone, but he didn't remember taking it off.

"Your bra, too, Leah."

—_the fuck kind of establishment is this askin me to take off my fuckin binder n makin me strip like this the fuck is goin on_

Apparently it didn't matter, though, because he found that his ratty binder was gone, too.

\---

"I have to pee."

"Okay, just wait for us to get this hooked up to a rack then we can take you," said one of the nurses.

But Leo didn't hear any of that. Leo threw his legs over the side of the stretcher and staggered to the door. He had no idea where the bathroom was, but that didn't really matter.

\--- 

"Hey, Mari," Leo said. "Can you hand me that pillow on the shelf over there?" There was a bookshelf above the door with a stack of pillows on it and he would have sworn that no other pillow on Earth could be as comfortable as those little fuckers looked.

"What pillows?" Mari looked mildly concerned.

—_pillows who the fuck said anything about pillows_

"No, Mari, that painting, I want the painting." There was a painting on the wall above the door and he would have sworn that no other painting on Earth could be as beautiful as that little fucker looked.

"Leah." Mari looked slightly more concerned than before. She scooted closer and grabbed his cheek, forcing Leo to look at her. "There isn't a painting. How long have you been hallucinating?"

—_painting what the fuck i asked about the fucking shoes_

"_Mari_, the _shoes_, the fucking _shoes_. Grab me the _shoes_." There was a pair of shoes tied to a hook above the door and he would have sworn that no other shoes on Earth could be as spadazzy as those fuckers.

"Watch your mouth, Leah. I'm going to get the nurse. Stay in your bed."

\---

"Leah, you have to drink this." It was the Ethiopian nurse again, shoving a small Dixie cup full of black sludge in Leo's face. Without question, Leo leaned forward and took a sip. He quite nearly choked.

—_nuhuh im not drinking that shit nope no thank you sir_

Leo leaned as far away as he could from the cursed cup, but the nurse kept pushing it forward. "Drink it, Leah, it will help you."

"The fuck is that shit, doc?" Leo never wanted to taste anything like that again.

"It is charcoal, Leah. It will coat your stomach and protect it from the drug you took. I put it in Dr. Pepper to make it taste better. It tastes better, yes?" The man didn't speak very much English, Leo assumed, as he was having a hard time making out anything he said.

"I'm not drinking that."

\---

Leo was taking orders at the register and people just kept coming and going without paying and without grabbing their food. 

"You forgot your drink, ma'am!"

"Sir, come back, you forgot your fries!"

"Wait, kid, you didn't get your food!"

No matter what Leo said, they never listened. 

—_i better not get fired because of these dipshits_

\---

"Stay awake, Leah, you have to drink this." It was an Ethiopian-looking nurse who Leo thought looked strangely familiar. He was shoving a small Dixie cup full of orange juice in Leo's face. Seeing no reason not to trust the guy—they may not have ever met but what could go wrong—he took a large swig.

—_fuck fuck fuck what was that i think im dying what the fuck this assholes trying to kill me_

Leo spit the orange juice out all over himself.

"I'm not drinking that."

"You have to, Leah," Mari said, causing Leo to jump. She was sitting in the chair right next to hes stretcher, unnoticed until then.

—_when did mari get here why is she letting this asshole poison me_

"I'm not drinking that," Leo repeated.

"You have to. You're dying," Mari stated, a scowl etched into her features. "Your potassium is too low so your heart isn't working right. Drink the freaking potassium."

—_what the fuck are they talking about who said anything about potassium i eat plenty of bananas what am i supposed to be drinking_

"Okay." The Ethiopian-looking guy looked trustworthy enough and Leo saw no reason _not_ to trust him, so he took a large swig from the tiny cup. He spit it all over himself the moment it touched he tongue.

"I'm not drinking that."

\---

"They're going to take you to the E.R. in an ambulance so I can drive my car over," Mari said, gripping Leo's shoulder's tightly to make sure he was paying attention.

—_why am i taking an ambulance why the fuck do i need to go to the er who are those hot guys in the corner what the fuck is happening_

"Leah, did you hear me?"

—_oh shit whend mari get here_

"_Leah_, can you hear me?"

"Yeah, what's poppin', b?" Leo asked, shit-eating grin on his face. Mari gave an exasperated huff and left the room.

\---

"Get up onto the stretcher, you can do it," one of the hot paramedics told Leo. Even though he had no idea what the hell was happening, he got up and clumsily tried to climb onto the stretcher.

"What are you doing, kid?" Hot Paramedic asked. "You can't stand on your own, sit back down."

—_this guy needs to make up his damn mind the fuck he think he is waltzin on in here tellin me how to live my life goddamn some people man_

Leo sat back on his bed and let the paramedics lift him onto the stretcher. He kept grinning like a dipshit at the hot one and flirting very smoothly, but the guy just seemed irritated and like he wanted nothing more than to strangle Leo.

—_what crawled up his ass and fuckin died_

\---

The stretcher clicked into place in the back of the ambulance and Leo could barely keep his eyes open. Looking down at his arm, he saw an I.V.

—_fuckin assholes drugged me cant have that im a servant of my lord and saviour leonardo dicaprio _

Leo reached down and tried to rip out his I.V., but Hot Paramedic stopped him. "Knock it off, fucking fag."

—_the fuckd he just call me _

\---

The world crashed around him as the stretcher was pilled out of the ambulance. 

"Oh, hey, handsome," Leo slurred, noticing a hot paramedic wheeling his stretcher into the building. Obviously, he had to make a move. "I'm not usually this forward, but do you wanna maybe see a movie sometime?"

Hot Paramedic turned to his buddy and rolled his eyes. "Will this chick ever just shut the fuck up?"

—_whoa hey now mister excuse you but what the fuck_

Feeling unbearably motion sick, Leo closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was both easier and harder to write than the last chapter. easier bc it was more lighthearted in my opinion, but harder bc i honestly barely remember the first couple nights in the hospital and putting what i do remember into words is surprisingly difficult
> 
> i hope yall liked this chapter
> 
> let me know if i need to add more trigger warnings


End file.
